i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
