Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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