I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
