think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
