If that was your dad, he is hot
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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