i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
