Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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