census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
