so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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