her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
