and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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