i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
