3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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