I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
