I hate all girls vehemently.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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