he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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