If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
