we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
