The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
