WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
