So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
