So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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