If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
