I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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