can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
