Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
