I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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