So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
