i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
