I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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