Its about making memories worth repressing
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
