I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
