Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
