Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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