I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
