I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
