my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
