you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize