im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
