And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
