Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
