Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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