I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The adults are the big ones right?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
