He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I still have a little drunk in my system
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
