My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
