you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
