i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
