Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
