I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
