When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
