worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
