At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
